This is some thing I been thinking over the last few weeks
What is bravery , having a lot of courage or being a inspiration?
One of the things I get said to me a lot by people I met on the road and on line is that I must have a lot of courage to do what I do in life or that I'm a inspiration to people and I must be brave to do what I do in life - in many ways I don't really know what to make of this as I'm only living my life the only way I can
Let's talk about some of the labels that many have used ( and continue to use ) on me - I'm some one who happens to be a young transgender woman who has many disables to live with - some of then I have had all my life others I got thought accidents or other causes after I was born also Im some one who lives on the road full time getting around by bike or on foot for around the last 8?years . I'm a helper at horse events around the North Island for many years
Is doing what I do brave or a inspiration to others and do I have lot of courage in my life and why ?
Looking at some of the labels
Being Disable
With my Disabilitys that I live with each and every day. Yes many of then do cause me a few issues like my speech when I talk to people so they can understand what I I'm asking - some time it can take a few try's to be understood when I ask for something or with my dyspraxia/head injuries it can take more me time to understand something or the fact that some times I need to do things in a different way then most as the way others do it just don't work for me - getting my body to do even so called simple things at times is just to hard or leaves me suffed for a few days after
Yet I don't really let it get to me - yes I'm disabled but I will not let what I can not do stop me from doing what I can do - to give some a idea of what that means in my case I plan then go out and do things that so called able body people would find hard -even though many times people have tried telling me I can't do it because of my leaver of disability
Like what type of things one may ask ?
Things like walking from Cape reinga to wellington along the te Araroa trail - a 1500 km walk along roads, down beaches though farmland and bush by myself wearing a 25+ kg backpack sleeping in a camping hammock or tent just about ever night or riding the lake Taupo bike ride doing 1x ,2x 4x lap and last time the 8x lap rides - each lap being 160 km so the 8 lap was 1280 km that I did in 122 hours ( or 6 days ) - yes I did have a few people help with the rides but I still did the ride doing just about ever km solo ( for some of lap 6? On the 8 lap ride I did have others around me as that was when the 1 lap fun ride was taking place ) - I have ridden my bike carrying all my gear in panners and bike trailer 3000 km from Cape reinga to bluff in January-February 2014 solo fundrising and rising awareness of head injuries ( I have had at lest 7 bad head injuries over the years ) on the ride - at this point in time I'm about a week into a winter end to end bike ride
So why do I do the type of things I do even being disabled- well first up I do then for myself as they are the type of things I like to do - set a big goal - work out how to do it -then just do it and move on the the next goal - I try not to let my Disabilitys stop me from doing things - some times it may take longer or I need to work out a different way of doing something but I still do what my goal is ( or at the very less as close as I can )
Also because I do then for fun as every one needs at less some fun in they life - keep smiling as it makes people wonder what you are up to : )
But most of all I do then because that's what a want to do in my life - it's my life so I'm the one who gets to pick what they do with it - others can help or hinder me but in the end it's up to me what I do in my life : )
Living on the road by bike or on foot
I have been traveling part time on my own from the age of 16? And full time for the last 8 ? Years I live most of the time in a tent ( a tent tends to last me between 6-12 months before needing to be replaced as they wear out ) yes even in winter time I'm still sleep in a tent - some times a friend my put me up for a few days to a few weeks From time to time - so why do I travel so much ? For many years it was because I was looking for a place to call home "some where to fit in " as I never really felt that I fitted in any one place - for now the road is my home in that it is the only place I fit in - maybe it's a sign that I been on the road too long ? Do I miss a fixed home ? I don't really know as it's been so long from the last time I had a fixed address I don't really know what's it's like to have one any more also for me long term travel is like having a nice well done home cook meal instead of a TV dinner as I'm out there seeing places and meeting people with my own eyes not just seeing things on TV or seeing a great painting on the wall with my eyes instead of just liking a photo of it on Facebook
Being a young transgender woman
Well this one is a hard one for me in a few ways so what is the back story? Well as I grown up I knew some thing was off or not right but for many years I did not have the words to say what was going though my mind also I was scred what others would think or do so I never said any thing about it. then a few years I some how found out about transgender people so I talked to a very few people I trusted and spent a few years doing home work finding out as much as I could - as part of the information I found I some how found a few people who are also transgender- at that point I was still not sure what to do - so what put me over the edge ( so to speak) in the end so I made the decision I did - well it was the night of my 31 birthday ( 2015 ) and I was feeling very low as I was walking back to the house where I was doing some house sitting in eketahuna- as I walked across the bridge high over the river I stopped and looked over the side and thought about ending my life by jumping off the bridge- yes I was feeling that low and at that point in time could not see any other way out sadness of the depression in my life ( that I have been dealing will many years ) - why I did not jump I don't know but I knew I had to start making big changes in my life as I did not the next time I would of killed my self - one of the big changes was to be true to myself regardless of what others might think - to start living full time as the real me ( as a young transgender woman ) - I started talking to friends telling then what I was doing and why ( the name and gender change) knowing I would loss some of then but its my life so it my rules on how I live it - then they was the harder parts like when I picked a change over date when I would go from living as a young man to living as a young woman and going up to auckland to do the name change - one of the hardest things was telling my family what I was doing and why -so what is it like for me - well for me it's still early days as I only been full time female for a few months but I'm now a lot more happy in life being the real me ( before it felt like I was wearing a mask hiding the real me from the world - now the mask is gone ) so how have people treated me ? Most people have been good - some have been not so good or even down right nasty but I don't let people like that get to me ( there can be so much hate on the Internet but also so much help and support from people) I know by living my life the way I am at times I'm putting my life at risk -( in the usa there's a lot of hate crime against transgender people-by some reports- it's around 15 times the murder rate also around 1/2 of all transgender people have tried to kill they selfs ) In some ways by telling my story and taking to different people I hope to perhaps help others who may be transgender and they friends and family to have a better understanding
As for the horse events I help because I love to help others when and where I can - so why horses - well for me horses are not a matter of life and death they are more important that that : )
So is doing what I do brave or a inspiration to others and do I have lot of courage in my life ? - well I guess the answer is up to other people to judge as to me I'm just who I am ( who ever that is : ) ....
Feel free to leave a comment with you thoughts
