Thursday, April 28, 2016

Some thoughts on today's ride after yesterday's bad day

Some thoughts from what was going through my mind on today's ride (after a very rough night - yes I had about 5 bad nightmares last night from what happened yesterday)

What's the hardest thing about being transgender?  Its a common question that I been getting - for me the answer is - other people - so what do I mean by this?   The reaction I see from when I deal with people can sometimes be good but other times not so good - getting miss genderd is common (like to night at the camp ground when I got called sir and gentman by the camp ground owner - I had my pink tank? Top on (you could see my straps from my sports bra - my breast forms seem to pass much of the time (they are all ways covered and out of sight ) to the point that people ask me if I had a boob job or how long I been on hormones ) and a skit on over my bike shorts)  also the look I got and the way he said it was telling  (looks like it's time to find a different place to stay in Wellington  next time :  (  - not the easiest when you don't have photo ID  ( I have my reasons to hold off on getting a new photo ID as they may be a few things coming up in my transition that may mean needing a new photo ID in the next year or two as my looks may change so getting a 10 year passport only to need a new one in 1-2 years time seems a bad idea + my paper work is still a mess )

Some times its down right hate or some one trying to attack me :  (  that I face 

Many times the way some one talks to me and how they say this is very telling in what they really think of me - and yes I have had to take steps to stay away from people who wish me harm - including my mums boyfriend who has tried to kill me before and is one of the people who gave me death threats - that is why I can't stay at my mums place in te kuiti for more then a few days  (the police don't seem to care about it? /do anything about it) (there has been a few others who gave me death threats or have had a go at trying to kill me including a few people who saw my story on TV then tryed to come after me because I was out as transgender on TV - thought it's been a few months since the last time it happened ) - its not something I tend to like thinking about - why people can be so hateful to some one they don't know and have never meet is not something I ever under stand   - and yes I have taken steps to keep me safe (well as safe as I can be in this world) I'm not going to live in fear or  have what if's have control over my life /let hateful others tell me how I should be living my life

 people seem to think it's ok to ask the most personal information or questions - eveny thing from if I had " it"  cut off (or when I will be getting it done) to if I'm gay or straight  and many other things they would never ask a none transgender person - in many ways the media is partly to blame for this in the way transgender people are seen in the media

Bathroom issues
Bathrooms tend to be a big issue when you are transgender - when you are m-f if you go into the men's bathroom (or the woman's if you f-m) you get bullied or attacked yet some times you get bared from using the woman's bathroom (like many states in the US seen to be passing such laws ) (so where do you go?)  on a side note there has never been a case in the US where a transgender person has attacked some one else in a bathroom - how ever it's common that transgender people get attacked in bathrooms (and else where - It's hard being called sick or a perter by misinformed people just for being transgender when the real sick or perters hide in schools or church (or other places) and  it's common that the many haters are from church (I'm not saying the people in churches as all bad but there is a very high number of hateful people that attack transgender people in there)

OK as for being nearly raped yesterday - when going to the police I noticed I few things - at first the person at the desk did not seem to believe me/wanted to know - then the person who did taked to me acted like it was some how my fault? (note from the way the um person acted and what they said it's likely that they would of still had a go at me even if I was not transgender - ie the type of very sick person that would pry on any one they could ) And the police person asked why I did not run way?  Well it's a bit hard to run away when a)  you holding up a loaded touring bike what takes time to get up to speed 2) the um person was holding on to me and where he had his other hand (he only let go after I looked him in the eye and said in a strong voice that if he did not let go I would break his hand  (and yes I would of done that) and 3) you never know if they might have a weapon or have some one else near by - also one of the police men told me I needed to be more careful when talking to people - now for some one who might have up to 20 people a day start talking to then (as what happeneds when you ride a odd looking bike around nz) and has been doing this for the last 10+ years with out  any real issues (keep in mind that I can't read people because of how my disabilitys are) it's sounds like victim blaming to me - how about locking up the sick people who rape other and though away the key instead of trying to blame the victims?

Any how that's what I spent today's 86 km bike ride thinking about (when I was not busy finding the right roads I needed to be taking to get to where I was heading for tonight- only got um misplaced a few times today)

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