Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Been a rough day - some thoughts on the last few days for me

It's been Rough day today for me emotionally and mentally though I try not to show it - I'm still miss reading people far to much and forgetting things /making mistakes (including with things that people tell me) also my energy levels are still all over the place as well as the thing for planing and doing different tasks /jobs is not working so well (even worse than usual) -im not sure whats going on there and what I can do about it as some of it appears to be what I deal with for at least the last few years but some of it appears to be new?

- might be head injurie suff or maybe dyspraxia related (dyspraxia is ever changing including short and long term so as some things do get easier other things do get harder to do or deal with ) - Note to any one that makes jokes about head injury or about the other health problems I deal with  - a)  its not funny when you have to live with it and b)  you not helping in fact you are making it worse as your jokes and lack of understanding  tends to make it harder for people (like me) who need extra help to get it when they need it

Body dysphoria - this is related to the transgender side of my life and some days can hit me pretty hard (like today when it was really messing with me ) -( the gender missmach of the gender different between my body and my head, heart and soul that is a large part of being transgender for me (different transgender people have different levels /thoughs on it ) its  not something I can reary talk about to others as like many things that relate to being transgender it's something that most people (ie none transgender people) will never begin to understand and it's hard to explain dealing with it as there is a different in reference points - it's one of those strange things of people who know can rarely explain it and people who don't can never really understand what it's like to deal with (partly because for none transgender people they body/head/heart ands soul do Mach up as far as gender go) -- it's just another thing to deal with /find ways to help deal with it - not the easiest of things

living in/being part of the transgender world - some of my um well meaning friends has told me I should be spending less time / effort on transgender issues /suff  - well here's the thing about me being   transgender - it's some thing of a lifetime thing and it effects just about every thing in my life is some way (even before you go into the hormone therapy /surgical side of things) - even thing from dealing with people to what I wear /how I wear it, even going to the bathroom (tends to be a big issue) where I can Stay, any jobs that I do, what I buy/how I shop, the news /suff I followed on line, the issues I face as a young transgender woman, even how I do suff on the bike, my safety - I'm only in the first 2 years of  being out as the real me after being hidden for so long so I'm always learning and having to learn new things every day (I have 30 some thing years of learning to chach up on)  - so as you can see its  not something that I can just put to one side and forget about

- this is the first time I spent any real time staying in one place in a city (the other time I spent off the road have been staying on some ones farm or lifestyle block so mostly out of the bigger towns/cities )  one of the main things that I'm noticing is that there is still a long way to go in the understanding and support of disability people and also the understanding and support of LGBT+ people - yes people both in nz and world wide have come a long way but there is still a long way to go and many battles to fight for - so yes if I stand up for disabled rights and support and for LGBT + rights and support that is my choice to do so - to help fight the battles even if it means dealing with more people who hate me / discriminate against me  (and others in the disabled /LGBT + world) on a near daily basis - including having to  deal with odd death threats (including a few attempts on my life) because if people don't stand up and start demand change and then keep pushing for it- things don't change and the world goes backwards in care and support for every one

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