It's a very tired girl who's typing this in her bed so i hope it makes at least some sense : )
A long tiring weekend - it started on Friday - well in some ways the start was a few? Days before when I decided to go to a horse event on the upcoming weekend - I did have to have a long think if to go or not as I knew it would be hard on me mentally and emotionally as it would be the first horse event that there would be more then 3 or 4 people who knew me at the event but I have to start somewhere if I'm going to keep going to events
Well the fun? Started on Friday with first up trying to decide what to bring on the bike (and what to wear) as I would be staying in my tent on site from Friday night to Monday morning - yes I could have bike in each day - riding there and back was the first plan - in the end I decided just to set up camp for the weekend as I did not know how tired I would be and it would give me a safe place to be if things did went to pieces with me. After only getting about 1/2 the things done that was on my to do list (mostly because I just forgot about 1/2 of them as I had to many things in my head : ) it was time to head off - first heading into town (in to a head wind so a slow ride in to taupo) to get some food shopping in also to the library to check Facebook and email (had rain out of Internet on the phone) - in one of the Facebook posts I saw that the taupo bike ride is making each 4 lap riders have they own support crew and a support vehicle on the ride -so this means that I will not be able to do the taupo bike ride this year - I really wanted to do the ride this year and was looking forward to it as I like doing the longer rides but there's no real point being angry with the people who make the ride rules as its not like It will change things so now its time for some new dreams and goals for me - life is what it is - after shopping I head out to the horse place and set up camp for the weekend
Saturday - with it being a para-dressage event I knew that many of my friends from para-dressage would be there - in the past its not been a issue but as it will be the first time that many have seen me face to face since my big change I was very worried emotionally and mentally about how people would be around me at the event - even though I do chat to some on Facebook - doing things face to face is very different from being online - it went more or less OK with some giving me a shorter nickname (as damiana can be harder to say then damian - funny how just one more letter in a name can make it a lot harder to say)
One of the things I try not to think about to much at events is when someone is getting a lesson - that is to say it's emotionally hard on me as I would love to ride at a para-dressage event or even have a few dressage lessons but it's just not going to happen any time soon or even in the next few years the way my life is so I don't tend to stick around as I would tend to just get more upset/frustrated and start crying (and I don't like to have people see me cry - I tend to try to get to a safe place before getting to upset as my legs then start to badly play up when I get upset - ie I can't get my legs to work for a few hours or more )
By the time of the para-dressage get together later in the day I was mosty out of it with my brain surgling to understand things that was going on - on the outside I may look OK or not to bad - but on the inside I'm not doing well and probably should be back in the tent or other safe place when I'm like this - to much for my poor brain to deal with - perhaps head injury suff? - at some point I head off to bed though I don't really remember much of the day from lunch time onwourd? - I hope I did not bug or upset any of my friends over the weekend (as can happen when I'm some what out of it at places )
Sunday there was rotorua dressage day on as well as some para-dressage class's on so there was more people who know me - many of then did not know about the big changes in my life - some was great about it some was OK and then there was the ones - Well All I can say is that it could of gone better and leave it at that (in other words they did not take the news well : ( so it turned out to be a difficult day emotionally and mentally for me - much of the time I do try to hide my thoughts and feelings when I'm out with people - I tend to have some trust issues +not being able to read people causes it's own issues )
At the end of the day I helped pack up the dressage rings before heading to my tent for the night
And that was my weekend
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